The Madness of Taper

The taper -- the maddening calm before the storm.  I am trying to slow down and enjoy the chance to breathe, to catch up on life, catch up with friends, and pay extra attention to keeping my body happy (yes, this means happy hours and massage  -- taper rocks!).  But in between peaceful moments of accomplishment and serenity, there is the deafening cry of self-doubt.

Did I train hard enough?  Did I taper too much?  Will my hip hold out?  Was my Colorado trip at the expense of an enjoyable race?  Why does my left shin hurt so bad?  Should I have done more yoga?  Why didn't I do more core work?  Why did I bail on so many mid-week bike rides when the runs got long?  Why wasn't I born into a family of olympic athletes?....

It gets more desperate and illogical from there.  I'll spare you.

I have been wearing myself out trying to stay positive and confidant....trying to remind myself that I did what I could, with the time, energy, and resources that I had.  I went from barely completing a sprint tri to marathoner in four months.  And I made some other fairly significant things happen in non-tri related areas of my life over the same four month time-span (this major announcement coming soon).  Now is the time to enjoy and reflect on all the hard work.  I've come a long way.

So why am I having such a hard time getting excited about the actual race?! 

I think its because I don't feel like I need to do it.  Because I'm actually really content with where I am right now; able to run for hours, able to conquer hill repeats on Bascom, feeling comfy in my "skinny" jeans, ready to tackle the mountains when the snow flies.  I'm feeling good.  Who needs a marathon?!  I think I'm actually scared that I might have a miserable race and be left feeling bad about all the other positive things that came out of training.

I'm hoping that actually being in New York will get me fired up a little.  Get me excited about being part of this amazing event and the inspirational international community of runners coming together to participate.  Maybe remind me again just how lucky I am that I get to do this.  Remind me how lucky I am that I have the ability to travel to New York and run 26.2 miles through the city streets, or that I can run.  Period.

I don't need to do this race.  I get to.  I need to remember that.