The Slowest Triathlete is no joke people. This weekend was proof. Although, The Very, Very, Slow Triathlete might be more accurate as there were technically a few people slower than me. All seven of them.
Truth be told I did little, if any, real training for the race Sunday. Any workouts that might have resembled training, were actually more or less social engagements that happened to involve running, biking, or swimming but where the main purpose for the event was usually to catch up with a friend.
Which is fine....if you're willing to pay the price during the race in pain and humiliation. Which is exactly what I did.
Let's start with swimming. My nemesis.
Open water swimming can suck it. Fish, weeds, giant man-eating turtles....who knows what lurks in the murky depths of any given body of water. It creeps me out. Which, you would think, would make me swim as fast as possible so as to get out of the creepy waters. But no....instead it seems to induce some sort of involuntary panic-driven hyperventilation. Super fun.
So I exit the water feeling like I've just spent 13 minutes in a blender trying to survive. Not good, considering that I was worn out just trying to get my wetsuit on -- I don't have the endurance for this sort of nonsense this early in the season.
And then there was biking.
The bike course is HILLY. I knew this -- I've done this course before -- and I still underestimated it. I also seem to have forgotten how to use all my gears (what you're supposed to practice this sort of thing?) so there were a few hills I had to pedal-mash up due to bike-user error. Because going anaerobic is highly recommended, especially when you're faking your way through a race you are under trained for. Or, not really. Really, its a recipe for "bonk." Which, yes, you can do in a sprint. Apparently.
At one point I started thinking that if I biked a little slower the elite olympic men would start passing me and at least I'd have some nice scenery.
By the time I got to the run I just did. not. care. I actually took the time to sit down, put on my running shoes, and then clean the place up a bit. I organized my towel. I took a few drinks of water from my bike water bottle. Until there was no way I could procrastinate any longer and I had to face the run. The run is hilly too. For a sprint tri, this was a hard little bugger of a race. I mean seriously, its like they think people train for this stuff or something. What-ever.
It was a nice little $90 reality check. I think I'm going to try this thing called "training" before Door County, see how that works out. No more messing around. Tri season is here!