Help! I'm stuck in transition and I can't find my bike! Or at least that's what it feels like in my life these days. Like I'm running the isles of the transition area, scanning rows and rows of bikes, looking for the one that is mine.
Except I'm in a car. Driving. Searching for what the next piece of my life is going to look like. Its equally as frustrating, but the scenery is a little better.
About that driving thing. Apparently there is a lot of it on these crazy road trips. I always forget that. I've driven over 3000 miles in two weeks. From the sweet majestic peaks I called home, through the expanse of the desert, to coastlines and rainforest and everything in between. Teeny, tiny nowhere towns and major metropolitan areas. No real plan, and only a general direction that could be changed at a moments notice. Sometimes solo, sometimes with friends old and new. Its been quite an experience so far. A crazy, fluid, random experience. A lesson in patience, perseverance, and living truly in the moment -- which is SO MUCH HARDER than you think.
We talk so much about living life to the fullest, but are we really doing that? Are we really putting our heart into everything that we do when we're doing it? Are we being true to ourselves, always? Are we being ourselves? Or are we creating a false reality, stifling our passions and personality?
Are we living and loving out loud?
Did I mention there's as much thinking time as driving time on this crazy adventure? That's a lot of thinking. And most of it has been without the welcome distraction of cell service.
That is A LOT OF THINKING people. My brain hurts. My knees hurt. My back aches. I'm more of a mess from sitting in a car than I was from my crazy "three 14ers in two days" excursion. And yet I really, really needed this.
Transition is good. Healthy. Something we don't give enough attention to. And it is never ending. We are always transitioning. Whether we are in control of it or outside influences are forcing it on us, we are constantly in flux. So I guess its time to learn how to do this. Practice. Acknowledge. Learn. Grow. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Appreciate it for what it is. Get stronger from the inside, radiate beauty outward. Keep moving forward.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
You can't screw it up
I am a big mess of emotion these days. Big. Mess.
I procrastinated packing until the last possible minute because I am in complete denial about what is happening. Thankfully, I am lucky enough to have friends who don't half-heartedly ask if they can help -- they just show up and say "here's what we're going to do." Because they know my brain is already at maximum capacity with the holyhellwhatamidoingwithmylife dilemma. And they bring wine. Seriously. How. Unbelievably. Awesome. I only hope that I can repay the monumental favor someday.
So I'm packed. Half of the half of my life that was with me in the mountains is now tucked away in multiple storage spaces around my (ya, that's right I said MY) mountain town. The other half is half with me and half in the mail to someplace I will call home soon. Again. I guess. For a while anyway.
That's a lot of halves to keep track of. Which is why half my brain has just blown a circuit and shut-down completely. Which is maybe for the best. Because transition is hard. It seems to be an excuse for my brain to question every decision I've made to that point....why are you doing this? Why didn't you do that? Why did you spend one of your last afternoons in town drinking at the local watering hole when you should have been organizing and packing and, I mean really, what was that all about?
You can see where that thought process goes. Nowhere good, usually. As I was dumping a good portion of this brain-waste on one of my friends she said "you can't screw it up." Or something along the lines of "you're doing just what you're supposed to do, and you'll end up where you're supposed to be." And I'm not sure if she was just grasping for something (anything!) in the moment to get me to shut up already....but I hope that there's some truth to what she said. That maybe the road that you take to get there won't be exactly the one you thought you'd be on, but that doesn't mean the destination can't be the same. You can still end up where you want to be.
And so, until then I'm trying to enjoy the journey. Starting with the step in front of me. And going from there. Hopefully, with enough steps, it'll all come back around....it'll all make sense....and it will have a beautiful view of the mountains.
I procrastinated packing until the last possible minute because I am in complete denial about what is happening. Thankfully, I am lucky enough to have friends who don't half-heartedly ask if they can help -- they just show up and say "here's what we're going to do." Because they know my brain is already at maximum capacity with the holyhellwhatamidoingwithmylife dilemma. And they bring wine. Seriously. How. Unbelievably. Awesome. I only hope that I can repay the monumental favor someday.
So I'm packed. Half of the half of my life that was with me in the mountains is now tucked away in multiple storage spaces around my (ya, that's right I said MY) mountain town. The other half is half with me and half in the mail to someplace I will call home soon. Again. I guess. For a while anyway.
That's a lot of halves to keep track of. Which is why half my brain has just blown a circuit and shut-down completely. Which is maybe for the best. Because transition is hard. It seems to be an excuse for my brain to question every decision I've made to that point....why are you doing this? Why didn't you do that? Why did you spend one of your last afternoons in town drinking at the local watering hole when you should have been organizing and packing and, I mean really, what was that all about?
You can see where that thought process goes. Nowhere good, usually. As I was dumping a good portion of this brain-waste on one of my friends she said "you can't screw it up." Or something along the lines of "you're doing just what you're supposed to do, and you'll end up where you're supposed to be." And I'm not sure if she was just grasping for something (anything!) in the moment to get me to shut up already....but I hope that there's some truth to what she said. That maybe the road that you take to get there won't be exactly the one you thought you'd be on, but that doesn't mean the destination can't be the same. You can still end up where you want to be.
And so, until then I'm trying to enjoy the journey. Starting with the step in front of me. And going from there. Hopefully, with enough steps, it'll all come back around....it'll all make sense....and it will have a beautiful view of the mountains.
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