I passed on an adventure. Really. Well, really tentatively. But regardless, I said no to a last minute river-trip invitation.
I really, really want to go. But not more than I really, really want to make some things happen in other areas of my life right now. I really want to do it all, but I'm smart enough to know that I can't. (I guess this crazy year has taught me something....)
So I said, "no." And it kinda sucked.
I'm desperately trying to rationalize my decision. I'm reminding myself that I now know "river trip" is just mountain slang for "endless raging party," and I know that I can't deal with that right now. I would be sitting in the most beautiful middle-of-nowhere place with awesome people and just thinking about the 1001 other things I should be doing. And that's really no fun for anyone. I know this. I did it last off-season when mid-trip all the members of my ragin' river trip group partied their faces off all day and had all passed out by 8PM, leaving me alone in the dark with nothing to think about but the absolute unknowns in my life (which at the time was pretty much everything). Nothing like a little mid-river-trip breakdown to really keep things exciting?!
I love that I live someplace where I get invited on these wacky, crazy, awesome adventures. This doesn't happen just anywhere. But if I'm going to continue to be able to live a life of spontaneous awesomeness now is the time for me to do a little work. (listen to me talking like a grown-up....who would have thought the land of eternal youth would be the place where I would grow up?)
It still sucks though. Just sayin'.