It's July 1st, do you know where your resolutions are?

Half of 2012 is behind us. HALF. Um, what? If that realization sent you scrambling for your resolution list, you're not the only one. I also happen to click another year older on the odometer of life right around now so I get a tad overwhelmed with self-evaluation this time of year.

What does that really mean? Panic. And what happens when I panic? I run.

In the fight or flight response to stressful situations in my life, travel always wins. Secretly I believe that if I'm on the move the calendar can't catch me.  In my mind, I'm living blissfully in the 20-something range for eternity, with perpetual permission for making bad decisions and little to no responsibility for grown up obligations.

Sounds nice, doesn't it?

I realize it's not exactly reality. But that hasn't stopped me from momentarily pulling energy out of distracting local nonsense and putting it into google maps and the topography of a western adventure. As part of that preparation, and to give myself some sense of accomplishment going into this halfway mark, I set up a little challenge: run my age, before I turn my age. The number of miles and days to go are about the same. It's a reasonable goal, but only if I don't procrastinate. If I can slowly whittle away at the miles, I'll not only have checked at least one box on the life to-do list before hitting my birthday, but I'll also be physically ready to check off some athletic endeavors after hitting the road. The only thing worse that feeling older, I imagine, would be to feel slower. I'm trying to preemptively minimize the magnitude of total breakdown about life that is likely to occur somewhere out there on the road.

So last night, "wild and crazy" Saturday night that it was, I got a head start and ticked off four miles. It was a beautiful sunset run. The sky slowly drifted from dusty rose to deep blue. The earth still radiated the heat of the day and the cool night air mixed in as I ran through the blending currents. Like a little reminder that I need both....stability and fleeting breeze...responsibility and adventure...the ease of life here and the constant challenge to strive for more.

Shattered

I woke up this morning with aching quads and absolutely no recollection of an activity that would have caused them to be sore. It should be noted that at no point in the weekend was I inebriated enough to explain such a blackout. So the fact is, I am sore from life. Not a life that finds me regularly above 10k feet, instead a life that regularly finds me in front of the computer for 10+ hours.

In some ways I'm OK with this. The daily whir of the here and now. The projects I'm tackling are not large and looming in the physical way of mountains. But they are no less daunting. Where I wander in the wilderness there is usually a trail, or some general sense of how to get to the end point. There is a plan. Gear. Rations. But these days the goal has only the occasional vague cairn. There were no maps at the trailhead. I don't know the mileage. I can only hope to find what I need along the way, and be satisfied enough with the journey to keep moving.

Sometimes it's exhausting. The not knowing. The questioning. And that's the part that bothers me the most. That it's exhausting in the wrong kind of way. I need sweat. And scenery. And I need to remember that there is always time for the things that you really want.

So next time my quads ache, I'll be able to explain it. I'm in planning mode. But there's no reason this journey can't have a little sweat and scenery every day too.

This. OMG. Yes. This.

Cleaning Around the Stuck

From what I can tell, sometimes the reason we are stuck actually has very little to do with the thing that's not moving. So I've been doing a lot of cleaning around that big immovable object in my life. Maybe I'll wear down enough of what's cemented it in, so that one day very soon, I'll get to watch it topple and break into a beautiful sea of bits and pieces, carrying me with it.

Until then, I'll keep whittling away at the little things. Like my inbox (2500 down, 50 to go). And my technology issues (appointment for new hard drive installation made).

And enjoying my present location, by building new skill sets (rock climbing and rowing on-tap). And enjoying the lovely people I'm surrounded by.

Happy earth day! Enjoy your corner of the planet, wherever that may be.
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Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed. 

- Mahatma Gandhi 1869-1948

Make It Count

700-something

700 is better than 2500. Progress has been made. But, wow. Purging and filing four years of documented life is emotionally draining. There are bright spots for sure, but there are also whole sections you don't even open and just file under "the shitty part." Some people might purge that part. But I peeked a little. It wasn't all that shitty. And sometimes it's the biggest messes that leave the best shine after cleaning. Something about the grit really makes for great polish, I guess.

I'm already looking forward to all the room there will be for new stuff to blossom when my inbox is washed and cleaned and folded neatly away.

Like this new band I just found.  I will definitely welcome more newness and goodness like this. And spring. And flowers. yes.

Things that blow my mind

1) This video. Period. 





2) The fact that I actually know both participants in that crazy video.


3) The fact that I spent my entire weekend working on email purging and organization while my friends are having crazy fun times celebrating closing day on the mountain (that is if they haven't already bailed for biking in the desert). Total lameness.